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Yes, my beloved readers, this is yet another example of one of sweet Iris’s fandoms invading my work. In this case, her love of country music in general, and Taylor Swift and Kelly Clarkson in particular. The song belongs to Kelly Clarkson, not to me. Enjoy!

Because of You

I will not make

The same mistakes that you did

                Obi-Wan Kenobi turned his face away from the sandy blast that assailed his face. Did anything matter any more? Anakin was gone. And nothing he could do would bring him back.

I will not let myself

Cause my heart so much misery

                Anakin had chosen his way. He had chosen the Dark Side. And in doing so, he had condemned himself to endless suffering.

And condemned Obi-Wan alongside him.

I will not break the way you did,

                But Obi-Wan had never given in. He did not break easily. He was too strong to die of a broken heart, as Padme had, though his bond with Anakin had been stronger than the bond that connected Anakin to Padme… at least on his end.

You fell so hard

I’ve learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

                Obi-Wan closed the door behind him. He had to watch over Luke. It was the only thing he had left to live for.

He would not let Luke into his heart.

He would not make the same mistakes all over again.

But in the end, he had no choice.

And decided he would have done it all over again.

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

                “Anakin! That was stupid!” Obi-Wan shouted. Anakin shot him that same reckless grin. Obi-Wan shook his head, and found that he was laughing. He chased Anakin down and pulled him close. Then dived off the railing.

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt

                Obi-Wan tumbled sideways, his arm flopping uselessly beside him. Anakin jumped down and helped him up. “Oh, Master, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…” Obi-Wan raised his good hand and caressed Anakin’s cheek.

                “Stop talking. This time, it wasn’t your fault.”

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

                “How can I trust you any more, Anakin?” Obi-Wan whispered, anger spent. Anakin’s huge electric blue eyes stared back at him, mournful.

Because of you

I am afraid

Because of you

                Obi-Wan bowed his head. That was all in the past.

And he was haunted. And afraid. And suffering.

And alone.

I lose my way

And it’s not too long before you point it out

                “That’s the wrong door, Master!” Obi-Wan winced at the voice. Anakin was laughing again. How was Anakin to know that Obi-Wan didn’t like that pointed out?

                After all, Obi-Wan had never told him.

I cannot cry

Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes

                Obi-Wan bowed his head. Qui-Gon was dead. And he had no tears left to cry. A tiny voice beside him. Obi-Wan almost smiled at the boy, but found he couldn’t. So instead, he settled for looking earnest.

                Years later, Anakin stood before him. “Qui-Gon died, master. And you never shed a tear for him.” Obi-Wan dropped his head. He couldn’t speak.

I’m forced to fake

A smile, a laugh every day of my life

                What do you want me to be for you, Anakin? he was screaming silently. I can’t be what you want me to be. Why do you keep on asking!

And now my heart can’t possibly break

When it wasn’t even whole to start with

                “You have no heart, Master.” A young man was staring at him with stone-cold eyes, eyes the color of sulfur. Then why are you trampling on it? Obi-Wan wanted to ask. But he couldn’t.

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

Because of you

                Battles, fights, one after the other. It was becoming hard to remember what it was like before. When there was peace. Anakin throve in these circumstances, but they also harmed him more than he knew.

                Obi-Wan knew. He tried to heal it.

                But he still couldn’t say it.

I watched you die

                The new-made Sith lay down on the banks of the lava river, eyes yellow with hate. “You were the Chosen One! It was said you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!” Please, Anakin. Give me a sign. Redeem me as you redeemed me the night I realized that I could not wallow in my own grief, because you were there and you needed me, the night Qui-Gon died. Please, save me.

“I HATE YOU!”

                “You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.” How can I watch you burn like this? I can’t watch anyone else burn. Don’t make me watch. Obi-Wan turned away, picking up Anakin’s lightsaber. He looks back once.

                And then never again.

                It’s broken. The world falls apart around him.

I heard you cry

Every night in your sleep

                “Anakin, please, wake up. Talk to me.” Obi-Wan pleaded. Anakin came awake, eyes angry.

                “Just so you can say that ‘dreams pass in time’?” he snarled. Obi-Wan felt another part of himself shatter. And he can’t say it.

                There is silence.

I was so young

You should have known

Better than to lean on me

                He had been too young to teach Anakin. In the end, the Council had been right. About everything. It was too much. He was too young to teach Anakin. Anakin had needed someone better. Anakin had deserved better than him.

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

                It was true. Anakin had never looked past himself.

And in the end, that inability to see past what he wanted had destroyed him.

And now I cry in the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

                Obi-Wan awoke in the middle of the night. It was the same nightmare. Every time. Qui-Gon became Anakin lying below him, or he cut down Darth Maul just to see that he had murdered Anakin instead. Dreams. Dreams passed in time. The Force was unbalanced. Things were wrong.

But time was crueler than he had known back when he had said that to Anakin.

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

                Luke had his father’s eyes. Obi-Wan looked at him and was reminded of Anakin, the innocent child that he had been, not the monster that he had become.

The monster that Obi-Wan had made him into.

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt

                Luke’s family—Beru and Owen—loving, sweet, kindly Beru and stern but caring Owen, Owen who bore the same name as Obi-Wan’s own brother—had been murdered. Yet another sacrifice that Obi-Wan had failed to assuage.

“I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi, like my father.”

And they were at the same impasse again. Obi-Wan was going to go through the same drill again.

This time, Anakin… This time I swear to you that I will not fail you.

It was time.

Because of you

I try my hardest just to forget everything

                “I have been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again at last.”

No turning back now.

Because of you

I don’t know how to let anyone else in

                “The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the master.” Yes, Anakin. The circle is complete. You don’t understand just how right you are. From birth to death, and this is the end for me. I will not fail you again. Hope. Luke. Courage. Leia. Victory.

Because of you

I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty

                An empty robe on the floor. That’s all he had left behind. It hadn’t hurted. Not at all.

“Qui-Gon!”

“Obi-Wan.”

Reunited.

Victory.

Because of you

I am afraid

Because of you

                I’ll wait for you, Anakin. Because whether you like it or not, you are going to follow me.

                Because you have to.

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