[Author’s Note: This is not meant to be offensive, merely funny. Also, for those who want to know, I have not read the Harry Potter books and do not plan to–the attitude, even more than the subject matter, of the books is contrary to my worldview. I am not judging those who have read and enjoyed the books, or J.K. Rowling; I merely do not wish to read the books myself. Thank you for your understanding and consideration! 🙂 ]
The next morning, I promptly cleaned up and made my way down to breakfast. The breakfast room, like the breakfast room at any hotel, was reasonably full, and people were constantly coming and going. Getting myself some toast and yogurt, I sat down at a corner table, just to watch the others. Then I realized I hadn’t gotten anything to drink. So, naturally, I got up and went to get myself some milk, not feeling like orange juice that morning. I was about to make my way back to my table when I realized that Anakin had come to join me.
Or rather, he had come and sat down at the same table, with his feet on my chair. I set my glass of milk down, very deliberately, and said very politely, “Anakin, excuse me, but I was sitting there, where your feet are now. Would you mind removing them?” He just stared at me as if I was some bizarre species of alien, chewing away at his bagel. I groaned and went over to sit by Rheadwyn instead.
Then things got interesting.
The bell in the belltower began to clang madly, and booted feet rushed past in the hallway outside. I leaped to my feet, startled, and dashed out into the hall. Mace Windu rushed past me, followed by Obi-Wan. Several others ran past and accidentally swept me into the crowd. I found myself running alongside Obi-Wan. “What’s happening?”
“It’s a breach,” he said. “Someone from an unauthorized story world has broken in, and we need to find and evict them as soon as may be.” I stared at him.
“Does this happen often?”
“It’s become more frequent ever since the Harry Potter lot learned those trans-dimensional tricks of theirs. Of course, we’ve been researching that sort of thing for years, but no one else seems to have found a practicable way until recently.” He remarked telepathically, We think that a traitor sold them the information. I gasped.
Please, don’t do that. It’s cool but freaky.
As you wish. Obi-Wan grabbed my arm suddenly and pulled me around a corner. “Cover me,” he ordered. “Just a basic shield. You never know what they’ll have up their sleeve.” Stretching out my arm, I put into practice the simple defense I had learned, shielding us both. Obi-Wan pulled a liquid-cable launcher from a belt pouch. He kicked open the door to one of the empty rooms and gave a slight sigh. “Potter, come on out. I know it’s you. I know you’re here. Just do things the easy way.” There was no sound from inside the room. Suddenly there was a tiny flicker and I noticed something sitting on my boot. I panicked.
Obi-Wan, there’s something on me, a bug or something!
Calm down, he ordered. He reached down and drew his hand back as if he’d been stung. Ah. A nanodragon. I should have seen that coming. He reached down slowly, a second time. “Last warning, Potter!” he shouted. At the same time he brought his hand up with eye-blurring speed, hurling the nanodragon into midair. There was a shriek and Harry Potter–in the flesh–fell from the rafters, sitting down hard on the floor, kicking up dust. Obi-Wan walked over and grabbed him by the collar, heaving him to his feet. “Unfortunately for you, you pulled Ziggerastica, the great and mighty humbug, marvelous center of the universe, along with you on your little pleasure jaunt,” he observed. “Don’t you think it’s time you outgrew these childish tricks, Potter? If your poor author was still working on your series, she’d be in the middle of a bout of writer’s block by now!” The boy wizard scowled. Obi-Wan frowned. “Have it your way.” He thumped twice on the floor with the heel of one boot, and a strange phenomenon appeared–swirling black and throwing off little sparkles. Obi-Wan unceremoniously dumped Harry Potter into the portal, then closed it with a wave of one hand. “Your turn,” he remarked to the nanodragon attached to his sleeve. Shrieking curses and obscenities in Dragonese, the nanodragon was flung into a bright orange-and-pink portal. Obi-Wan sucked on his bitten finger, wiping his other hand on his pant leg. “There,” he said. “That’s done.”
“I didn’t know you were a Wielder,” I remarked, interested.
“Sort of,” Obi-Wan replied. “I’m technically a Warden, though, which means that I’m one of the few beings actually authorized for inter-dimensional travel. It’s like with normal people; the more times they’re exposed to radiation, the more likely they are to experience genetic mutations. Only for fictional characters, it’s the more often they feature in crossover fanfiction. My first real journey–not in a fanfiction–out of my own dimension was pretty weird. I ended up in the background of an episode of Doctor Who.” I burst out laughing.
“And how did you know Potter was there? I didn’t sense anything.” I added.
“The smell of the detergents they use at Hogwarts is very distinctive,” Obi-Wan said. “Like a combination of bug spray, skunk cabbage, and lichen.” He winked. I laughed.
“Lichen has a smell?”
“It smells rather like wet wood, but a little more acidic,” he said. I nodded.
“Oh, right.”
Yes, I was becoming more comfortable with the members of Selay’uu.
Lichen does not *either* smell like ‘wet wood but more acidic’! More like algae. At least… it does in New Zealand. They don’t have it at all here.
That was thrilling. When’s the next one?
That’s what algae smells like to me. Except for the ozone. But lichen doesn’t smell like ozone, so…
Let’s just say it smells like a symbiotic relationship between an alga and a fungus. ;-P
What!? The air quality must be kind of poor there… but there are lichens that grow and thrive on smog! Hmmm… I wonder what’s going on.
As soon as I can get it out. 😀 I have an especially brilliant couple of ’em coming out soon.
Er, yeah, it kind of is. (Are there really? You astound me.) Read one of the Sherlock Holmes stories that opens in a “swirling yellow London pea-souper”, then realize that the color has changed somewhat over the years – it’s now mostly gray – but not the overall quality, and that I live close enough to London that I can see the Shard from only a thousand feet up (in a plane).
Well, if the air quality is so bad that even THOSE can’t grow… Or maybe they just have anti-mildew paints and things, so it doesn’t get a chance to grow.
Yikes. That’s disgusting!
Lichen is not mildew. And mildew is rarely in short supply in the places you would usually expect lichen.
Yup. It is.
Well, the paint contains disgusting chemicals that inhibit the growth of ANYTHING. Anyway… *sigh*
It is disgusting. x_x
Haha, that was awesome! I’m a bit confused about the Wielder bit- is that from a book I haven’t read or from your own stories?- but otherwise, I loved it!
It’s from her BttF – Bound To The Flame. It’s very good – Wielding is best explained in Ch1-V4: https://erinkenobi2893.wordpress.com/2014/02/15/bound-to-the-flame-chapter-i-part-iv/
Ah, thanks for clearing that up!
A “Wielder” is a term for a person who was born with magic and is at least moderately proficient in its use in my novel “Bound to the Flame.” I suppose it could cover corrupted Wielders, too, but it does NOT cover those who call on the occult or seek powers which do not belong to them. True Wielders shun occult powers, etc., and call those who use them by a number of derogatory names. I think Wielders are a bit more like the Elves of Tolkien–their powers come from a closer connection to nature and to each other. In essence, they draw strength from their friendships to others without actually drawing on others.
Hey! that is a really cool mechanism and I didn’t even realize I was using it! I will have to make that clear in future. 😀
Ah! Thank you! That’s a very cool idea, BTW.
Thanks 😀
Haha, that was brilliant! I don’t read Potter wither, but I’m pretty sure you captured it brilliantly 🙂
😀 Thanks! 😀 I thought it would be funny for Obi-Wan just to unceremoniously dump Potter through a portal. X-P
Well, someone needs to! 😉
X-P Yeah, he’s an impossibly famous bestseller phenomenon and that doesn’t earn him much credit around here. X-P
I’ve never read Potter! What a wonder. Anyway…Anakin…what a…bum. Why didn’t you throw his feet off your chair?
Mebbe because he’s slightly taller and slightly broader than her, and also more than likely carrying a lightsaber, not realizing that it’s bad manners to go to breakfast armed. That’s the one thing I can fault Obi-Wan on: Ani’s manners. Or perhaps Shmi. I’m not sure who’s most to blame yet.
I have no idea. I think it’s mainly Palpacreep’s fault, he made Anakin spoiled, and it’s a wonder Obi-Wan stayed sane at all; I doubt even being beaten within an inch of his life would change Anakin’s manners for the better, and of course Obi-Wan wouldn’t do that. That’s one of Obi-Wan’s two main faults: he’s too kind-hearted in places, and the other one is blaming himself for things that are not his fault.
Now there’s a good idea. *sigh* Qui-Gon would have if he thought it would help.
*sigh* Poor Qui-Gon! I want to hug him. He’s awesome. 😛
I just want him back. Unfortunately I have precisely nothing pre-tPM in the plot-bunny locker at the moment. *goes off in misery to read Growing Pains for the nth time.*
So do I… Hey! I have an idea! I’m working on a story where Qui-Gon survives (in this one, Obi-Wan is sort of training dually, as both a healer and diplomat, so he was able to save Qui-Gon), and Anakin is Qui-Gon’s Padawan. But if you want to write a story with Qui-Gon in the latter era (aka Clone Wars), feel free to ship Anakin off on a retreat and have Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon together again. 😉
I can’t. I wish with all my heart he’d lived, but I can’t make myself believe it strongly enough to write it.
Mmm.
Let’s see… would you like a JA era prompt? 🙂 I’ll try and think of one.
I’d love one. Or I can go yell at ‘Roni again and get him to pull something up for me.
Let’s see… Here’s a comedy idea. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are being sent on vacation by the Council, since Yoda decides that they need one. (They do. Seriously…) Obi-Wan is confused and thinks he doesn’t need a vacation. Then his bewilderment turns to horror and embarrassment when it turns out that Siri (and possibly her master) are along for the ride too.)
Or, serious… (This is one that I’ve been considering writing for a while now.) Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon receives a letter from either home or an old friend, containing bad news of some sort. The other member of the team has to find out what the news was and help the first member get back on his feet.
Mystery… A senator has gone missing, and it’s up to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to rescue xim.
Can I take the mystery? For after I clear up the demented multi-story chaos the mind palace has become.
Qui-Gon wasn’t talented at all! A rather poor swordsmen, I think.
Heavens! Don’t say that in front of Erin!
(Have you even watched the Phantom Menace???) Poor swordsman? Good Lord. What, do you mean because he lost to Darth Maul?
I don’t think Qui-Gon was a poor swordsman at all. Darth Maul was just a beast. I feel tempted to go and take some of my annoyance with Kysherin out on him… It’s just that Ataru has notably poor defense maneuvers… or something. And Maul thought that Obi-Wan would be easy to take down. Yeah… Maul’s problem was that he was not NEARLY as good as Obi-Wan at making the environment work to his advantage. The idiot forgot entirely that Qui-Gon’s lightsaber was just lying there on the floor! Not to mention underestimating Obi-Wan. What a turnip brain.
Rosalie: Sure! I’ll look forward to reading it. 😀
Ooh, good idea. Will you write it afterwards?
Ataru has never been good for teamwork that’s it’s problem. You noticed, of course, that Obi-Wan switched to Soresu very shortly after that.
Maul was a Sith. ‘Turned to the Dark Side, he has. Sanity this is not.’
I might… I don’t know. Maul is certainly unpopular in the mind palace. And maybe I’ll make it snow or something and we’ll completely BUTTER THE GROUND with him in a snowball fight!!! That would be fun, methinks. 🙂
It would, at that.
Indeed. 😉
But…but…Maul was on top the whole fight! And he even beat Obi-Wan. Maul just got too arrogant. Otherwise…Windu would have to come and stop him.
Maul only beat Obi-Wan if you count being tipped down a bottomless pit while your adversary stands on solid ground at the top as winning.
WINDU WASN’T THERE!!!
Watch the Phantom Menace.
Yes, maybe. But the fact remains, he underestimated Obi-Wan and completely forgot about the lightsaber. If Obi-Wan had been able to be more involved (after all, he was knocked off of a catwalk early in the duel), he probably could have maneuvered Maul into a tight space and then taken the guy out, or at least forced him to limit himself to a single blade.
Yes, I’ve seen it. I just think Windu would have done a much better job. Maul was powerful.
But he wasn’t there. Yes, against a Sith Windu would theoretically be the best – but remember, it’s Obi-Wan who is the only Jedi in a thousand years to face a Sith in mortal combat and live.
So…is it Windu’s style of fighting that makes him powerful against Siths? And, does that mean Siths usually beat Jedis?
Actually, yes. He invented the Vaapad (‘Dark’s Edge’) style, which allows the user to draw on their anger/hate/what-have-you, which Jedi usually won’t, and Sith always do. Basically, it lets him use the enemy’s weapons against them, but he only really worked on developing it after tPM, by which time it was a bit late, really.
And… I don’t know. There haven’t been enough Sith over the years to make a very definite judgment. I think it’s safe to assume that if the Sith really intended to kill, and that that was the real point of the fight, then yes, they would win. If, like Dooku, they were just trying to get away, and killing was optional, they wouldn’t’, not necessarily.
Also, the plural of Sith is Sith and the plural of Jedi is Jedi. However, the plural of Padawan is Padawans.
Theoretically, Windu is the best suited to go up against a Sith… but Windu also regarded Obi-Wan as the definitive master in the style he chose (aka Soresu). So, basically Obi-Wan compensates for a supposedly less “powerful” style with insane skill.
Weighing in on the Sith vs. Jedi discussion: Well, a Jedi Master with well-honed skills and who is willing to sacrifice himself/herself for their cause will likely come on top, because when the Sith die, it. Is. OVER. for them, so they (of course) don’t want to die. However, Jedi aren’t afraid to die for their cause, so the Jedi might sacrifice himself/herself to put an end to the Sith, ultimately defeating them. And then, Jedi can live on in the Force as spirits; death isn’t the end for them, so really the Jedi and Sith are the ultimate irony. The Dark Side might be considered “more powerful,” that is, if power equates destruction, but the Jedi do have that edge of they-don’t-see-death-as-THE-END. 😉
Aha! Thank you, Ladies. It’s all very interesting.
X-P
Indeed! He’s getting to be rather a pest. I’m certain he’ll never be authorized. From what I’ve heard about his book recently I don’t want to read it! Or them! Or whatever! Or even watch the movies!!! 0_0
Well… that’s a complex question. It seemed like a waste of energy at the time.
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