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“Erin, let me out! Please, let me out! I’ll take back what I said about your hair and your writing and your squeaky, scratchy pens and your pet hedgehog! Just let me out and I’ll be good for the rest of my natural life!”

This is Anakin, when he’s locked in a closet with no prospect of release, or any food or drink other than bread, water, and lettuce. If I keep him in here for over twelve hours, I will give him either a hard-boiled egg or beans, but that’s it. I think I rather like holding him prisoner. It’s pretty obvious that he’s lost his lightsaber, again, too–or he wouldn’t be begging, no matter what the Council says about destroyed doors. I lean in close to the door and shout back at him.

“And if your life isn’t natural, what then?”

“I’ll be good all the same! Just please, please, please no more lettuce!” I grin and walk away. There’s a chamber pot in there, so I’m not worried about anything at all. Anakin can meditate in the time he’s in there. Do him good.

Now, you may be wondering why I locked Anakin in a closet. Well, the answer is simple.

He destroyed my IRL job search. And I mean destroyed. All browser windows closed. All progress deleted. All browser history gone. I didn’t want to do it, true, but I knew it had to be done and for goodness sake, I just wanted to have it done. I have never been more mad in my life than I was at Anakin.

And if you want to know how I dragged Anakin into the closet, the answer is, I didn’t. I chased him in. Yup. The Chosen One. Running. From me.

Admittedly, I am part Irish, but still. Must’ve been humiliating to run from a girl, but Anakin was too scared to care. Yes, this is the guy they nicknamed the Hero With No Fear. The Hero who doesn’t think is more like it!

There is blissful calm all evening. It lasts through the night and partway through the next morning, until Obi-Wan (finally back from his mission) notices how quiet it is.

“Where’s my shadow?” he asks. Or wait–that was Peter Pan. I forget what Obi-Wan said. I would’ve helped Pan if it meant I could keep Anakin in the closet longer, but you all know Obi-Wan, as single-minded as the day is long and twice as stubborn. I wound up releasing him. And Anakin did apologize, very profusely…. hiding behind Obi-Wan the entire time.

Sigh. Maybe I shall imprison Palpatine next. Or raid the kitchens with Ahsoka… whichever comes to a head first.