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Below is a list of basic rules for anyone who wishes to enter the Selay’uu Manor. Enjoy!

  1. Never, ever, ever, should you question Mistress El’ye.
  2. Isaac Stranger is no longer allowed to grow his hair out.
  3. Well, maybe someone we both know should help Isaac Stranger to cut his hair, lest he disgrace the Zeigweirr Institute!
  4. There shall be no running with scissors.
  5. Nor shall Professor Marn lay hand to scissors to cut any student’s hair. Ever. Again.
  6. On second thoughts, I don’t care if I disgrace the institute. And if anyone disagrees, they can go complain to Namaah!
  7. One does not simply startle a Ranger out of sleep. Unless one has a death wish.
  8. To whom it may concern: Come near my apprentice with hair dye again, and I will make you eat it.
  9. Anakin is hereby debarred from entering any part of the mind palace containing new people, the Bound to the Flame characters, Dr. McCoy, the author when she is working, or Captain Kirk.
  10. ESPECIALLY Captain Kirk.
  11. Not even at meal times.
  12. Concerning Item 8: The same also goes for oversized pillow cases. Consider yourself warned.
  13. Alien invasion, the zombie apocalypse, and other figments of your imagination are not excuses to miss your physical. No matter how much you hate the way my office smells.
  14. The Council will no longer interfere if Anakin baits Jim Moriarty. He will have to stand the consequences on his own.
  15. If Captain Kirk flirts with the author while she is trying to work, there will be no retaliation by the Council for any physical harm caused by books, pillows, and/or whatever happens to be within grabbing range.
  16. Unlike Mistress El’ye, you may not doubt Obi-Wan, not even in the privacy of your own mind.
  17. Legolas’ contact with sausages is hereby limited to mealtimes only.
  18. Will’s unfortunate mishap with the weevils, pinecone, and molasses is no longer open for discussion.
  19. Do not shoot at me with tracers. It’s just plain stupid. I will find you.
  20. Ignore number 19; it was from an outsider. (Well, don’t ignore it; don’t shoot at him with tracers, but other than that shoot him all you like.)
  21. Taunting people who are not endowed with superpowers, magic, Force-sensitivity, or insane skills is not acceptable. (Anakin, this means you! And if they turn the tables on your arrogant hide, you deserve it!)
  22. Merlin is not present merely to have coffee, whether hot or cold, dumped on his head.
  23. Will is not a clothes-horse for pygmies, and duct tape is not a proper substitute for thread, fabric, or clothing.
  24. Will is not a pygmy, and Anakin is to stop insinuating that he is. (Anakin deserves whatever he gets from Will from this—even if Halt “intervenes.”)
  25. Anakin deserves whatever he gets as comeuppance. No one is to interfere with any of his deserved impromptu punishments.

Don’t worry, this is not the end of the List. There will be more humorous rules for Selay’uu in the future. 😉 Thanks for reading, and God Bless!