Below is a list of basic rules for anyone who wishes to enter the Selay’uu Manor. Enjoy!
- Never, ever, ever, should you question Mistress El’ye.
- Isaac Stranger is no longer allowed to grow his hair out.
- Well, maybe someone we both know should help Isaac Stranger to cut his hair, lest he disgrace the Zeigweirr Institute!
- There shall be no running with scissors.
- Nor shall Professor Marn lay hand to scissors to cut any student’s hair. Ever. Again.
- On second thoughts, I don’t care if I disgrace the institute. And if anyone disagrees, they can go complain to Namaah!
- One does not simply startle a Ranger out of sleep. Unless one has a death wish.
- To whom it may concern: Come near my apprentice with hair dye again, and I will make you eat it.
- Anakin is hereby debarred from entering any part of the mind palace containing new people, the Bound to the Flame characters, Dr. McCoy, the author when she is working, or Captain Kirk.
- ESPECIALLY Captain Kirk.
- Not even at meal times.
- Concerning Item 8: The same also goes for oversized pillow cases. Consider yourself warned.
- Alien invasion, the zombie apocalypse, and other figments of your imagination are not excuses to miss your physical. No matter how much you hate the way my office smells.
- The Council will no longer interfere if Anakin baits Jim Moriarty. He will have to stand the consequences on his own.
- If Captain Kirk flirts with the author while she is trying to work, there will be no retaliation by the Council for any physical harm caused by books, pillows, and/or whatever happens to be within grabbing range.
- Unlike Mistress El’ye, you may not doubt Obi-Wan, not even in the privacy of your own mind.
- Legolas’ contact with sausages is hereby limited to mealtimes only.
- Will’s unfortunate mishap with the weevils, pinecone, and molasses is no longer open for discussion.
- Do not shoot at me with tracers. It’s just plain stupid. I will find you.
- Ignore number 19; it was from an outsider. (Well, don’t ignore it; don’t shoot at him with tracers, but other than that shoot him all you like.)
- Taunting people who are not endowed with superpowers, magic, Force-sensitivity, or insane skills is not acceptable. (Anakin, this means you! And if they turn the tables on your arrogant hide, you deserve it!)
- Merlin is not present merely to have coffee, whether hot or cold, dumped on his head.
- Will is not a clothes-horse for pygmies, and duct tape is not a proper substitute for thread, fabric, or clothing.
- Will is not a pygmy, and Anakin is to stop insinuating that he is. (Anakin deserves whatever he gets from Will from this—even if Halt “intervenes.”)
- Anakin deserves whatever he gets as comeuppance. No one is to interfere with any of his deserved impromptu punishments.
Don’t worry, this is not the end of the List. There will be more humorous rules for Selay’uu in the future. 😉 Thanks for reading, and God Bless!
The Upstairs Archives 
I disagree with Rule 16.
? Well, Obi-Wan is always right. That’s what it’s getting at. (I should’ve put that rule first, shouldn’t I?)
“1. Obi-Wan is always right. 2. When in doubt, refer to rule 1.”
a) I mean, doubt because it’ll just get thrown back at you. Or better, “Doubt Obi-Wan at risk of looking an idiot when it turns out he’s right/”
b) Isn’t that the Padawan Rules?
Right. That’s what I meant, I think. (I didn’t get to sleep until 11 p.m. last night.) And yes, I think it may be. ;-P
*laughing* I like Will…does he get the best of Anakin often?
Yes, he does. Mainly because he’s small and quick and quick-witted, which means he can pretty much run circles around Anakin while Anakin’s turning around looking for him. 😛
Yes, Anakin can be dull-witted. You pick on him, too. Does he have any friends? Is Padme about?
Anakin is normally a pest. Will can be annoying, but only from high spirits and not from a naturally irritating or unpleasant disposition. (And yes, Padme is here, but she’s been very quiet lately.)
Oh… fine, VJ, I’ll put him in your invasion story. And try to be fair.
😛 It’s hard to be fair to Anakin. (Look up “wangst” on TV Tropes, and you’ll see why.)
Well, I’ll jolly well do it, then.
And VJ, stop being silly. I neither can nor want to kill Anakin. Nor will I let him kill you. In fact, I think I’ve narrowed the planned killings down to one.
Maybe have me kill him, Rosalie?
Does Padme still like Anakin?
Professor… Rosalie isn’t working on an Alternate Universe story at the moment. So technically she can’t kill Anakin off without destroying the space/time continuum in Star Wars….
Maybe not so much as she once did (by the time of RotS.) She’s still in love with him, unfortunately, but by the time Anakin turns, she’s thinking that maybe she married the wrong brother. I mean, well, while she’s in love with Anakin it’s really Obi-Wan who’s her white knight, carrying her colors unstained. (No, I do NOT care for the Obi-Wan and Padme pairing. It’s just too weird to me. Still, for some reason, Kysherin likes it. Maybe because it irritates me. I just like seeing Obi-Wan and Padme as friends. By the way, when Padme says she wants to consult a Jedi in the deleted scenes/novelization of RotS, I think she’s talking about Obi-Wan and NOT Anakin, since I think she can tell that he’s already beginning to go wacko, and besides, swear Obi-Wan to silence and unless it threatens the safety of the Republic, his lips are sealed.)
And Obi can’t marry right?
Um, be glad Rosalie hasn’t seen that… yet… Obi-Wan is a Jedi, and Jedi don’t marry. They commit their lives to service; besides, any other way and their families might be endangered. Also, if they were to marry and couldn’t let go, then they would be pushed towards doing horrible things by that.
(Would she be cranky?)
You have no idea. Well, not exactly cranky. More likely outraged. As in, “How could you not KNOW that?!” outraged. 😛
Because of Siri! That’s a girlfriend if I ever saw one!
They aren’t dating, obviously. (More often than not, I find it more fun to write them as friends who may or may not have had a romantic relationship at times. I can’t write romance, and between them it just seems so contrived!)
VJ said: “And Obi can’t marry right?”
Dear FORCE!!! Yes, Erin’s right! How in the name of – how can you hang around here or anywhere remotely SW related and not know a simple little thing like the key plot point on which the whole series hinges? Hmm?
No! Obi-Wan can’t get married! He’s a Jedi! In the Old Republic, no less! Look at what he said to Anakin, dear Force, you think after that a good man like Obi-Wan would even dream of – no. Just no.
And to Siri? They’d drive each other crazy within the week, even assuming all the normal natural laws were suspended. Which they are not!
And I am not cranky, merely somewhat frustrated that some people forget the most basic little things.
*points* That. Anyway, yes. Unlike SOME people *glares at Disney* who say “love is an open door” (GAH!), and “you can make it work,” I understand why the Jedi decided to have the celibacy rule in place. Grrr. If you allow a nation divorce, then saying those sorts of things is only exacerbating the problem, Disney.
Disney are absurd. And obscene. And many similar adjectives.
Hence the disclaimer at AtS.
Personally, I think it’s nobler to refuse love in a good cause than to ‘make it work’ – for a while. Until you aren’t in love anymore. Gosh, modern morals make me sick.
Yes, you’re absolutely right. (I disowned one author after he got his main character a dispensation and had him leave the military order he was a part of in order so he could be with the girl of his dreams. I have never hated anything as much as that horrible plot twist. It almost spawned a fanfiction involving a different ending, but unfortunately, I didn’t have time to write it.)
They make me sick too.
The Selay’uu Manor sounds like a more interesting place every time I read about it. And #8, #12, #18, and #22 sound like they have interesting stories behind them . . . Who writes these rules anyway?
12 is about Anakin, and Erin’s unorthodox methods of quelling him, so probably Obi-Wan wrote that one. (Or Qui-Gon under a misapprehension as to who has actually done most of the work raising that boy, see below.)
8 is about something that happened to Obi-Wan, involving either Siri Tachi or Nasriel Threeb depending which occasion you’re referring to, so either he wrote it and tried to disguise the details, or Qui-Gon’s still alive over at Selay’uu. If that’s the case, Erin dearest, he can show up anytime soon.
7 is distinctly Boromir in intonation. I suspect a Hobbit of involvement somewhere along the line, though.
Oh, there are stories behind all of them, I can assure you. But actually, 8 and 12 are Winter’s. He put them there, insisted that I add them to the List. He was really upset when Anakin and Snotlout decided to pick on his apprentice Elian… on second thoughts, upset wasn’t the right word for it. He went after them, forced Anakin into a skunk’s den, and then tied Snotlout up to a tree and let Garen shoot rubber arrows at him, not before shaving Snotlout’s pitiable attempt at growing a mustache, which was about the clearest thing he could do to get his message across, I think. (And no, not the “nicey-wicey” Snotlout from the “How to Train Your Dragon” movie, the nasty, mean Snotlout from the books.)
Rosalie, I’m fairly certain Qui-Gon will be showing up soon. He has been around, but he’s been more busy helping me fill out these character sheets so I know who is who and what is going on in Winter’s story. So that’s why we haven’t heard much from him recently.
Number 18… no comment. (Will says thank you, and besides, as the rule says, it is no longer open for discussion. 😉 )
Number 22 is a restraining order against Arthur viciously abusing his poor manservant.
Also, has no one noticed Legolas’s sausage ban?! 0_0 I’m shocked, Friends of Selay’uu!
EXcellent. Tell him I look forward to it.
Not sure who Will is… sorry about that.
And yes, Legolas I noticed but decided not to say anything about.
I will. Oh. He said that we may be a little late in getting it done, seeing with all the insanity I’ve had to deal with in the mind palace and the many distractions from outside.
Will is from a series called “Ranger’s Apprentice,” by John Flanagan.
Things like that just seem to happen in the mind palace.
I like your theories, particularly about #7. That’s one I didn’t give as much thought to as some of the others, but . . . 😀 Also, I second your words about Qui-Gon.
Ah, well, I have a slight advantage there, having followed Erin’s blog since the beginning. Including the long and involved comment chain on a Boromir meme about balloons.
And it’s about time somebody did. We ought to get a petition going here; Erin needs to write more Qui-Gon, she does him really well.
*nods* We should, and she most definitely does.
It’s in the chain from this one: https://erinkenobi2893.wordpress.com/2014/05/12/hero/
Thanks!
Whoopsie, no, it’s actually the post of this one. My mistake.
We do long and involved well, don’t we? 😛
Yes, I will try to write more Qui-Gon. (One of my favorite characters!) It may take time to get back into my groove, however.
Don’t worry, though. There will eventually be more from the demented mind of Erin! >:-D
Me, mostly. Sometimes Will (from Ranger’s Apprentice) and Rowan help me… Winter acts as consultant when he’s present. But mostly it’s just me noting them down when I see them scribbled on the whiteboard. 😉
Ah. Just wondering. 🙂 Since a few referenced “my apprentice”, I wasn’t sure if it was Halt or one of your characters writing them.
It sometimes varies. (Winter was very, VERY upset when Anakin and Snotlout interfered.) And probably Halt feels the same way about Will. (Though he would probably be even MORE creative in punishing the perpetrators.)
Ah. (I can understand why.) And Halt’s punishments . . . those would be very, very interesting. xD
Indeed! >:-D I’d love to see what he’d do to them… 😛