Citizens of Earth, rejoice! My sister the comic genius and I have come together to write you a parody of seasons one through four of the Doctor Who revival series.
Oh, I almost forgot: I need to post the disclaimer!
Donna’s hair is red,
The TARDIS is blue,
Rose Tyler is sweet,
I don’t own Doctor Who!
A Guide To Being A Companion
A capital ship for a time-travel trip
Was the TARDIS of retro yore
No alien living could set the crew spinning
No Dalek could breach the door
Only the best, at the Doctor’s behest,
Could travel to future or past;
Companions all, with courage and gall,
Would weather the Time Vortex blast.
Rose’s boredom set on long before dawn
When the Doctor blew up her job
On her first day, in the usual way,
They proceeded to blow up the blob.
Rose’s boyfriend Mickey (though often called Rickey)
Would constantly get in the way
Twice only ballast, to Cardiff and Belfast
(Although he would soon save the day.)
And the intern we had was apparently mad
For on his only trip
He fired salutes with the Ninth Doctor’s boots
And nearly ruined all with his slip.
We all took turns cooking, with nobody looking,
Jack made muffins with sugar (and glue),
Adam made toffee and burned-on the coffee,
And Rose neatly mangled the stew.
Captain Jack sat on Rassilon’s hat
And ruled the innuendo squad
With TARDIS-blue socks, he flirted with rocks
As he blurted out things rather odd.
When the Doctor does swing, it’s just the thing
For a boring, rainy day
(Though goodness knows, we have few of those!)
We once even put on a play.
She’s nowhere near plain, our dear Sarah Jane,
She’s clever and makes her own way.
She and Rose hit it off, with barely a cough,
And they laughed at the Doctor’s dismay.
We landed on the Moon with barely a swoon,
And Martha came to the Doctor’s aid.
The Master went berserk and was really a jerk,
But brave Martha was still unswayed.
Aboard came Donna, with plenty of drama,
Like a normal Christmas Day.
The marriage was off because of Lance’s scoff
And Donna ran away!
Give the Daleks a smack—hooray! Rose is back!
Three Doctors?! What’s going on?!
A Dalek’s a thief, no pretense of grief—
Get out, Davros, you’re gone.
Everyone else went back home, left the Doctor alone—
Four knocks, you had better beware.
When the Time Lords came back, the Master gave them a smack
But this wasn’t just a mere scare.
It is nature to change, though some deem it strange,
And time turns without relent.
Ten gave his life in the midst of the strife,
For the last of his time had been spent.
But though this song is gone the story goes on!
The new Doctor found someone to care,
For a second redhead who woke up in bed
Would find the Doctor there.