alice in wonderland, alligators, author, bagels, bbc sherlock, disney, doug, dragons, dug, editor, electronics, funerals, g.k. chesterton, hilary clinton, iris, j.r.r. tolkien, john h. watson, justin beiber, lewis carrol, lord of the rings, madeleine l'engle, moriarty, paratroopers, pixar, sherlock holmes, social networking sites, the hobbit, united nations, up, venus flytraps
This is what happens when three writers on the way back from Washington, DC get bored. They begin a randomly-jumping-in-and-writing game of Story Round! And this is what results. Bask in the random awepicness!
Underline: Our other friend (who in real life shares a first name with me!)
Once upon a time, there was a dragon. He had nothing to read, and so he picked up a book by G.K. Chesterton, and his [the dragon’s] name was Fred.
However, the book turned out to be the wrong dust jacket on the wrong book, and he found himself reading “The Hobbit.” Caesar and Napoleon put all their genius into being heard of, and they WERE heard of, with a loud snore like a clap of thunder. And he [Fred] had a chicken as an uncle.
iPods and iPhones fought the other MP3 players, CD players, tape players, and radios, while Facebook bad-mouthed Twitter and Instagram and Tumblr hid. Instagram kissed Pinterest, who fainted. Touchpads and iPads fought the other tablets, who were led by General Samsung Galaxy. The authors studiously ignored them all with a tea-drinking contest. The computers got tired of the authors procrastinating and revolted. His [Fred’s] life was ended when a tomahawk came down and through the door he [Fred] entered.
Aliens came down from Camazotz and fought a marvelous battle with the Hobbits, and Bilbo, Frodo, Merry, Sam, and Pippin whopped them spectacularly and sent them packing. They [the aliens] hid in a rabbit hole and were lost forever in Wonderland. They ran into Cyrus and Alice as the two were on their adventures, and our intrepid heroes slaughtered them all.
The squirrel fell off the balcony and into Doug [from “Up”]’s mouth. Dug died of imaginary tuberculosis (so he wasn’t really dead) and was sent to Camazotz, where he turned into IT. Meanwhile, Moriarty snored up a storm, so Sherlock stuffed a biscuit in his mouth and escaped over the back fence. Meanwhile, Meg Murry defeated IT and IT turned back into nice, friendly Doug. [She made me spell it like this and not like Dug, which is how it was spelled on the back of the movie case. Gah.] They all went back to Earth, where Doug became friends with Fortinbras.
A dog dressed in a military uniform walked up the aisle beside the casket at the funeral for the squirrel, which [the casket] was empty because, of course, the squirrel had been eaten. Meanwhile, Twitter and the United Nations texted disrespectfully in the background. Then Sherlock ran in, shouting that the coffin was NOT really empty. Hilary Clinton gawked. Justin Beiber screamed like a fangirl and fainted. John Watson stepped over his inert body and opened the coffin, which contained a bagel. The entire funeral dissolved into a brawl as to who got the bagel. Sherlock told Clinton to shut her mouth. It snapped shut like an alligator or a Venus Flytrap. Doug tried to bury the bagel for later as Facebook ran in and screamed that Twitter was cheating on him. He laid Twitter out with a punch and ran out the door with Sherlock and John in hot pursuit.
Meanwhile, tablet paratroopers dropped in and carried off the bagel for their general’s breakfast, so everyone else went back to the funeral. They buried Moriarty in the grave with the tomahawk and now-empty casket, Facebook went to jail, everyone cried buckets, and they all lived happily ever after.
Author’s note: Being the scribe, I got to embellish wherever I liked. I also added notes in the hopes that it would help you, my readers, understand the complete craziness that happened on that trip. Here’s hoping that you enjoyed the story! Thanks for reading, and God Bless!