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~ A random repository of how-to-write and geekery, with an occasional snippet of accidental wisdom.

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Tag Archives: the hobbit

Silliness, Part Two

19 Friday Dec 2014

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Living Life with Passion, Story Dynamics, Tales of a Wandering Bard, Uncategorized

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

bbc merlin, completely random posts, confusing nonsense, extremely random posts, humor, insanity, j.r.r. tolkien, rambling musings, randomness, silliness, the chronicles of narnia, the hobbit, the lord of the rings

Does anyone remember A Random Story, that silly take-a-turn writing piece I did back in January with two friends to pass the time as we headed back from the March for Life?

Well, here’s some more! With thanks to everyone at Mockingjay14’s birthday party. (The first part is mine, the second is Iris‘… it was her sister’s birthday party, anyway. šŸ˜‰ ) Everyone took a turn at writing a little more onto a story, and each paragraph represents a different writer. Enjoy the silliness!


Once upon a time in a room full of dead ferns a man in black rose from purple moss and strode purposefully away. He threw a black sword into the black air with a black scowl and proclaimed, ā€œWOOF!ā€

No, really, that wasn’t what he actually said… what he actually said was, ā€œI summon thee, Dark One,ā€ after which a cloaked figure appeared. The man was surprised by the Dark One’s short stature, and when he threw back his cloak, he turned out to be…

Bilbo in disguise! He was quite grumpy because he had lost all of his pocket-handkerchiefs. He had been searching for one when he had…

fallen down a cliff, meanwhile hitting his head, passing out, and rolled into the purple moss. He happened to be allergic to it, so…

his whole face swelled up, and he began to notice that it was becoming hard to breathe. So, he threw himself down, and took a nap.

Then, when he woke up, he suddenly felt an urge to eat circus peanuts when he saw…

an elephant who wanted peanuts as well. The elephant said, ā€œI DON’T LIKE PURPLE!ā€

Bilbo ran away from the elephant because it was scaring him, but it chased him! Then a flying figure appeared above Bilbo. It was…

Fledge, with Merlin, Frodo, and Cor and Corin on his back and all of them were having a huge argument. Bilbo and everyone else…

decided to get as far away as possible. On the way, they ran into Tauriel. She saw Bilbo and said, ā€œAww, you poor little hobbit. Here, let me help.ā€ Then she healed Bilbo, and they set off for the Shire. But if they ever got there or not, we’ll never know.


Author’s note: Erm… sorry about this. It’s been in my drafts for months. AboutĀ five months, in fact. Apparently I lost it in my drafts–you’re just super fortunate I finally found it again. Always good for a laugh, right?

Thanks for reading, and God Bless! (Merry Christmas!)

 

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TCWT: Beginnings and Endings (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BILBO AND FRODO!)

22 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Living Life with Passion, Story Dynamics, Uncategorized

≈ 68 Comments

Tags

a swiftly tilting planet, a wind in the door, a wrinkle in time, beginnings, book reviews, brian jaques, c.s. lewis, castaways of the flying dutchman, catholic culture, creative writing, endings, j.r.r. tolkien, john flanagan, lord of the rings, madeleine l'engle, ranger's apprentice, reading, redwall, reviews, robert louis stevenson, star wars, the chronicles of narnia, the hobbit, time quintet, treasure island, writing

Hello, everyone!

Now, before I get into the TCWT post, I want to just make one little announcement.

Today is the shared birthday of Bilbo and Frodo Baggins! *confetti flies everywhere* Happy birthday to the Ringbearers!

sept. 22Okay, now that I’ve said that… šŸ˜‰

Beginnings and endings. Now this reminds me of a paper I wrote in high school! Which will never see the light of day until it gets a boatload of revising. So don’t ask. Or you can ask, but be prepared for it to not happen for a very, very long time.

Specifically, my favorite beginnings and endings.

Let’s do this by series.

First of all, favorite beginnings and endings for The Chronicles of Narnia.

  1. The Magician’s Nephew, both as a beginning to the series, and its own beginning and ending. This. Book. Rocked.
    First of all, we have the story of how Diggory and Polly met, and the fact that they were sent into Narnia by a ruthless pseudo-scientist/magician who was also partly insane (wouldn’t any number of YA authors just love to try their hand at a plot this juicy nowadays?!), but it’s not just that that makes the book great. It foreshadows World War II and people like Mussolini, Stalin, and Hitler. (I would not be surprised to hear that Lewis did not approve of the US’s alliance with the USSR. Good grief, I don’t approve of it. And I’m American.)
    *cough* Anyway…
    Well, this book as a whole is the beginning of Narnia and the Chronicles of Narnia series. But its opening, while modest, is no less of a favorite for me. And its ending! The hiding of the magic rings (we’ll get to Tolkien and the rest of the Inklings later, I promise!), the cure of Diggory’s mother, and the promise of hope.
  2. The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. The book that began it all. Seriously. Was ever story so well encapsulated? It wraps itself up very well, and smaller elements that were included (especially the Professor, who is–guess who? Diggory Kirk [yes, that is really his last name!], all grown up! and Susan’s horn, which becomes a major point in the plot of Prince Caspian.)
  3. The Horse and His Boy. Unlike the rest of the Narnia stories, this one actually does not have anything to do with “our world”, unless you count the presence of the Pevensies (SPOILER! šŸ˜› Who cares, anyway?! Most of you have already read all of the Chronicles of Narnia!) The ending is good, okay, but it’s the ending I really love. This is the one Narnia book that describes Archenland, and it tells us about the people of Archenland, and gives a very satisfying ending.
  4. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Okay, yes, I love pretty much all of the Narnia series, but Dawn Treader stands out among the Narnia books. Again, the beginning is not nearly as euphoria-inducing as the ending is. It appears that Lewis may have been playing with the idea of the Seven Friends of Narnia at this point–of course, though, at this point only Lion, Witch, Wardrobe, Prince Caspian, and Dawn Treader were written, which means that Diggory was only a flight of imagination, and Polly probably hadn’t ever (in Lewis’ mind) come into Narnia at all yet. The three aforementioned books were intended to be a trilogy, complete in themselves, and it seems that Lewis didn’t plan to write any more books. However, step back and take the series as a whole. If you read them in Narnian-time order, not writing order, then by the end of Dawn Treader there are seven friends of Narnia. (Susan hasn’t left the group yet, remember.) And Dawn Treader and The Last Battle are the most similar in style, and ending as well. Coincidence? Most likely not.
  5. The Last Battle. If I have to pick one favorite Narnia book, it is this one. (Dawn Treader is a close second.) First of all, the opening is riveting. An impostor Aslan? Narnia’s King captured? WHAT?! IT DOESN’T EVEN BEGIN IN “OUR WORLD”?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! *squees*
    Seriously, though. ā¤
    This Narnia book raises the stakes like no other. (I plan on making a list of the top villains who made an impression on me, to show you what I mean.) However, this book is also probably the one which is hardest for a child to read. (You’ve been warned.) It is both heartbreaking, exciting with its call to war, the rage against the lies… It is a true emotional rollercoaster. This one, more than any other of Lewis’s books, made me understand what “passion” really meant. More than any other book, really.
    And now, for the ending. While some people are upset that Susan didn’t get to the “True Narnia” in Aslan’s Country at the end of the series (read more about that here, and I highly recommend the rest of his blog for thought-provoking stuff on theology and popular culture!), I was both saddened by the fact that Susan had made herself not to believe in Narnia (which was, by the way, a recurring theme throughout the book–which is why, now, whenever I hear anyone say anything REMOTELY smacking of “We’re out for ourselves!” [*cough cough* “The Dwarfs are for the Dwarfs!”], I always throw a fit and demolish their argument in a blaze of righteous flurry and the occasional lightsaber-to-their-newspaper), and gladdened by the fact that by the very fact of her leaving the Friends of Narnia she was given a second chance. The problem, really, that we’re talking about here, is the bland/blase reaction of the remaining Friends of Narnia to her exclusion. But you’ll just have to read Malcolm’s post, linked in above, if you want to know what Lewis’s thoughts on the whole “Problem with Susan” issue was. I’m not giving it away to you! You wouldn’t go find his completely awesome blog otherwise!
    Anyway, back to the ending, proper. It is, in my opinion, a very satisfying close to the series. It was a blissful, happy, euphoric ending. It echoed the Book of Revelation (Apocalypse to Tridentine Rite lovers like me). In fact, I am thinking about making myself a T-Shirt that says “The Rapture only happens to people who loved The Last Battle!” (DISCLAIMER: The author of this post does not believe in the Rapture as preached by certain Christian sects. She does, however, believe that reading The Last Battle will bring you pretty freaking close!)

Sadly, I have not read Lewis’s Space Trilogy often enough to include it in the runners. I haven’t even finished it. :’-( Still, enjoy my dear friend Rosalie’s description of Dr. Ransom here. ;-P *notices some people in the crowd gawking at the picture* *bangs them on the head with a newspaper* READ THE DESCRIPTION! NO GAWKING AT THE PHOTO!!! (I don’t care HOW attractive you may find Ewan McGregor, keep the fawning off my blog!)

Next up: Madeleine L’Engle’s Time Quintet!

A Wrinkle in Time begins with the cliche beginning “It was a dark and stormy night.” It doesn’t stop there, though. It makes it its own. And in the end, Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who, and Mrs. Which vanish in a gust of wind.

However, A Wind in the Door gets the top place on this list, I think. It begins with “There are dragons in the twins’ vegetable garden.” and ends with the unforgettable:

“You were gone long enough. Did you count the stars or something?”

“We don’t have to count them,” Meg said. “They just need to be known by Name.” Calvin’s eyes met hers for a long moment and held her gaze, not speaking, not kything, simply being.

Then she went up to Charles Wallace.

Seriously! BEST. ENDING. EVER!

A Swiftly Tilting Planet, both beginning and ending, is tied up in Mrs. L’Engle’s adaption of St. Patrick’s Breastplate, called “Patrick’s Rune” in the story:

In this fateful hour
I place all heaven with its power
And the sun with its brightness
And the snow with its whiteness
And the fire with all the strength it hath
And the lightning with its rapid wrathAnd the winds with their swiftness along their path
And the sea with its deepness
And the rocks with their steepness
And the earth with its starkness,
All these I place
By God’s almighty help and grace
Between myself and all the powers of darkness.

Does that give you goosebumps? It does to me!

And finally, for the HobbitĀ  and the Lord of the Rings books. Now, I think that, while LotR’s beginning was interesting enough, it’s not quite the same as Hobbit‘s. “In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit.” How’s that for a great opening? It certainly gets questions started as to what a Hobbit is and why it lives in the ground! However, since Hobbit is the prequel to LotR, it makes a lot of sense that way. Frankly, though Hobbit‘s ending is satisfying enough, LotR’s is, in my opinion, the stronger of the two. Both bring about great changes in the world of Middle-Earth. Hobbit sees the return of the King Under the Mountain and the cities of Dale and Esgaroth, while LotR has no less than the return of the King Elessar to both Gondor and Arnor, and the destruction of the One Ring and the overthrowing of Sauron to boot!

In Hobbit, it was Bilbo’s poem that made the greatest impression on me.

Roads go ever on and on
Over rock, and under tree
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass, and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.

Roads go ever on and on,
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that have a-wandering gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows greenAnd trees and hills they long have known.

And in LotR, Frodo sums it up best: “We set out to save the Shire, Sam, and it has been saved; but not for me.”

In the end, both the Bagginses go into the West with the Elves, in search of Valinor, and Sam returns home to his wife and children. “Well, I’m back.”

Note to Ranger’s Apprentice fans:

I am so sorry, but RA is not eligible to run. Like the Space Trilogy, I haven’t read it enough to know the beginnings and endings very well.

Now for Brian Jaques’ work.

I especially love Mariel of Redwall for its beginning and ending. The book begins with an amnesiac Mariel arriving on the coast of Mossflower country, promising (as Liam would say) the search for the truth about her past. And it closes with the defeat of Gabool and the departure of Mariel and Dandin to go in search of adventure. However, The Legend of Luke and Martin the Warrior, not to mention Mossflower, were close seconds: Legend of Luke for its opening and closing sequences, detailing the building of Redwall Abbey, Martin the Warrior for its description of Martin’s barely-existent childhood and (SPOILER ALERT!) the cheek to kill off a character we really loved to drive Martin southward, toward Mossflower Country, and Mossflower for the arrival of Martin at Kotir in Mossflower and the closing defeat of Tsarmina, who had enslaved the woodlanders.

And as you’re probably already tired of this, I think I will stop after just one more.

Castaways of the Flying Dutchman trilogy.

WHY MR. JACQUES!? WHY!? *bursts into tears*

Each of these books is complex, detailed, involves a much intenser battle between good and evil (sometimes more openly manifested!) than the Redwall books, and remains vivid in the imagination for days and years afterward. (Why do you think I keep on forgetting and naming yet another protagonist “Ben”?! Hint: It’s not just Obi-Wan’s doing! *Obi-Wan shoots an annoyed glance in my direction*) It’s like… gah! I don’t know what to compare it to! Think Jedi Apprentice (Melida-Daan specifically), only little Obi-Wan has a dog and his destiny is tied to the sea, and gaaah the feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelsss…. *breaks down crying* *Obi-Wan relents and comes over to pat me on the back*

Okay, bad comparison. Let’s see. I think the closest I can get is it’s a bit like Treasure Island (which had a marvelous ending in its own rite,) a bit like what Star Wars would have been if the story centered around Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had survived to train Anakin, and the sorrows the Elves must face when the younger Children of Illuvatar die. It also has strong resonances with Ranger’s Apprentice (shut it with the whatever-apprentice similes, Erin, before you burst into tears again!) It’s the only series with a ‘young’ protagonist (SPOILER the protagonist is eternally fourteen) I’ve ever read where the hero had no permanent mentor. Sure, he has a mentor/father figure who dies, but after that other people mentor him as well… sort of.

The thing about these books is that the endings are always both sweet, and at the same time, heartbreaking, since Ben and Ned (that’s Ben’s telepathic friend, the dog) must wander the world constantly, helping those they come across, and they can’t let anyone know that they’re immortal. I just want to give them both a great big hug.

*sigh* Excuse me, please. I just wanted to make myself reread all those books. (Dare I say, oops?)

Thanks for reading (and especially for sticking through until the end!), and God Bless!

Teens Can Write Too! Blog Chain: I’d like to read more of this, please…

08 Thursday May 2014

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Living Life with Passion, Story Dynamics, Uncategorized

≈ 51 Comments

Tags

bbc merlin, brian jacques, c.s. forester, c.s. lewis, castaways of the flying dutchman, classic science fiction, dee henderson, dorothy sayers, dystopian fiction, fantasy, fiction, g.a. henty, historical fiction, immortality, irene hannon, j.r.r. tolkien, lori wick, post-apocalyptic fiction, redwall, romance, science fiction, speculative fiction, steven king, story dynamics, teens can write too blog chain, the hobbit, the lord of the rings, the sword of damocles, time travel, young adult/juvenile fiction

The prompt for this month’s blog chain was ā€œWhat sort of fiction would you like to see more of?ā€ My first thought would be, all of it! But I had to be more discerning. What sorts of fiction do I love? What sorts of fiction are under-written?

Personally, my favorite genres are fantasy, mystery, sci-fi, post-apocalyptic, and dystopian. I love to write in them. I love reading them. Some of them, though, already have hundreds of books, and though no genre is consistently well-written, some of these genres have more than their share of marvelous stories. But we could still do with more!

Fantasy is probably the oldest of these genres; the only sort of fiction that is older is probably historical fiction, though if you include fairy tales in the fantasy genre, fantasy is undoubtedly older. As such, there is more material in fantasy than in most of my other listed genres. (It has giants like Tolkien, Lewis, L’Engle, and so forth–how are you supposed to beat that?!) Still, I would like to see more well written fantasy, with original themes and ideas. (For instance, in my latest work in progress, Generations, the sequel of Loyalty, the premise is that magic has been locked away from the world in order to protect it.) I would like to see more fantasy along the lines of The Lord of the Rings, in which the power of the Ring threatens to corrupt anyone who holds it; I would like to see the type of fantasy in which it is emphasized that power is often dangerous and can be intrinsically evil, and the answer can be to not use it, rather than the sort of sword-of-Damocles persecution that often falls upon any character with magical powers in modern fiction. (Yes, I am including BBC Merlin in this condemnation.) Some stories can pull the sword of Damocles off well. Others, it just seems cliche.

I would also like to see more fantasy such as the Redwall books and The Hobbit, in which no character has actual magical powers. Bilbo has his ring, true, but barring that, no one is “empowered”, except Gandalf, and he’s not the main character. I also like The Hobbit because the there-and-back-again has a price. About a third of the original company dies (no spoilers; I’m not saying who.) I don’t like the sort of fantasy where there is no price to be paid.

I would like to see more historical fiction that is more focused on event than romance, such as the works of G.A. Henty. Despite the fact that no one often dies (except the actual historical enactors) in Henty’s works, they are still highly enjoyable. I very highly recommend theĀ Horatio Hornblower series by C.S. Forester, even though it’s for older readers, and should be partaken of in moderation. I would like to see historical fiction that’s more of a bridge between Henty’s style and Forester’s. I would like to see more French Revolution-era and more centered around the actions of William Wallace and Robert the Bruce, especially since much of what there is involving the latter two is biased toward the English rather than the Scots–“the victor writes history.” That may be true, but it takes reading works biased in both directions to be truly balanced.

The Castaways of the Flying Dutchman trilogy isn’t historical fiction, per se; more like a crossover of the best of both fantasy and historical, but I would like to also see more of this sort of story, involving immortality and/or time travel. (Please don’t start with me on Doctor Who. Right now, I just don’t have the time for it 😦 ) It’s a fascinating sort of one-off story that has me intrigued; how would it be if more people took on this sort of premise and actually did well by it?

It would be nice to read more mysteries in the style of Dorothy Sayers, more complex and balanced and well-integrated. Few modern authors can pull off a good mystery as well as the late nineteenth and early twentieth century mystery writers, with the notable exception of Irene Hannon and Dee Henderson (who both classify their work as romance, but whose work also fit into the genres of suspense or mystery.) More on those two later.

Now for sci-fi, post-apocalyptic, dystopian, and speculative fiction. This is one genre in which I won’t particularly lament for the authors of yesteryear. There are a great deal of good authors out there in these genres, and each one of them has fascinating premises. This may be because the genre is comparatively young, and still going strong. It would be nice to see more science fiction in the style known as “classic science fiction,” only meant for younger readers. It can be hard to find good fiction in the young adult/juvenile sections; maybe reading Madeleine L’Engle has spoiled me? ;-P

About romance… Any regular reader of this blog will know that I don’t particularly care for it. It’s not always well-written. Some of it is very unrealistic. And I just don’t feel comfortable writing it. In any book of mine where there is romance, in order so it doesn’t suck I have to make it very subtle and let the action take hold. I’ve been trying to broaden my horizons in that regard, but… meh… with precious little success. However, if Dee Henderson writes more, I will read it. If I can find more by Irene Hannon, I will read it. The other day, because I was bored, I picked up a book by Lori Wick. Just Above a Whisper, I think the title was. It was partly suspense, but mostly romance. What do I mean? Well… I almost stopped reading several times, because the menace from the insane fellow was not close enough. It wasn’t emphasized nearly enough. I didn’t have an urge to keep on reading. The only reason I didn’t put it down was because it was cool in the basement, and I was bored. Call me spoiled, but I didn’t particularly like this book; I couldn’t see why the author was a bestseller. The plot focused more on the heroine’s personal psychological problems, and I didn’t feel the ominous overhang nearly enough. It wasn’t that well integrated and felt almost like a side plot; however, I think it should have been mixed up and made part of the main plot. I felt as if even I, with my lack of talent in the genre, could have done better. It was like a romance with a side of half-baked suspense. Irene Hannon and Dee Henderson don’t have these problems. Nothing important is ever sidelined in their books; the suspense is scary enough to keep you turning pages, but not enough so it keeps you up at night like a Steven King novel (even just a summary!), and the romance is well-balanced and peppy. I want to see more romance that’s well written, even if it’s just for the sake of all the romance fans out there. šŸ˜‰ I would also like to see more romance that’s based more on commitment and deep friendship rather than shallow passion. Much of what I feel tends to be deep, but I also feel in terms of commitment (if that even makes sense.) Why isn’t there more romance that just speaks to people like me? Forgive me if I’m morbid, but I think this is representation inequality right here. (And I didn’t mean to rant about bad romance. Sorry about that. I don’t mean to bash books, either; I mean, Lori Wick has promise, but I think she needs a good editor and more practice. :-P)

Thanks for reading, and God Bless!

May 5th – http://sammitalk.wordpress.com/

May 6th – http://www.nerdgirlinc.blogspot.com/

May 7th – http://nasrielsfanfics.wordpress.com/

May 8th – https://erinkenobi2893.wordpress.com/

May 9th – http://thelittleenginethatcouldnt.wordpress.com/

May 10th – http://randomofalife.blogspot.com/

May 11th – http://maralaurey.wordpress.com/

May 12th – http://www.fidaislaih.blogspot.com/

May 13th – http://musingsfromnevillesnavel.wordpress.com/

May 14th – http://theloonyteenwriter.wordpress.com/

May 15th – http://insideliamsbrain.wordpress.com/

May 16th – http://taratherese.wordpress.com/

May 17th – http://miriamjoywrites.com/

May 18th – http://oliviarivers.wordpress.com/

May 19th – http://afoodyportfolio.wordpress.com/

May 20th – http://magicandwriting.wordpress.com/

May 21st – http://unikkelyfe.wordpress.com/

May 22nd – http://www.brookeharrison.com/

May 23rd – http://eighthundredninety.blogspot.com/

May 24th – http://www.oyeahwrite.wordpress.com/

May 25th – http://avonsbabbles.wordpress.com/

May 26th – TheUnsimpleMind (no web address)

May 27th – http://thependanttrilogy.wordpress.com/

May 28th – http://www.lilyjenness.blogspot.com/

May 29th – http://sunsandstarsanddreams.wordpress.com/

May 30th – http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com/ Announcement of the next month’s blog chain. šŸ™‚

(Oh, by the way, before I go… does anyone know the difference between speculative fiction and sci-fi, if any? Thanks šŸ™‚ )

A Random Story

28 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Tales of a Wandering Bard, Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

alice in wonderland, alligators, author, bagels, bbc sherlock, disney, doug, dragons, dug, editor, electronics, funerals, g.k. chesterton, hilary clinton, iris, j.r.r. tolkien, john h. watson, justin beiber, lewis carrol, lord of the rings, madeleine l'engle, moriarty, paratroopers, pixar, sherlock holmes, social networking sites, the hobbit, united nations, up, venus flytraps

This is what happens when three writers on the way back from Washington, DC get bored. They begin a randomly-jumping-in-and-writing game of Story Round! And this is what results. Bask in the random awepicness!

Bold: Erin

Italics: Iris

Underline: Our other friend (who in real life shares a first name with me!)

Once upon a time, there was a dragon. He had nothing to read, and so he picked up a book by G.K. Chesterton, and his [the dragon’s] name was Fred.

However, the book turned out to be the wrong dust jacket on the wrong book, and he found himself reading “The Hobbit.” Caesar and Napoleon put all their genius into being heard of, and they WERE heard of, with a loud snore like a clap of thunder. And he [Fred] had a chicken as an uncle.

iPods and iPhones fought the other MP3 players, CD players, tape players, and radios, while Facebook bad-mouthed Twitter and Instagram and Tumblr hid. Instagram kissed Pinterest, who fainted. Touchpads and iPads fought the other tablets, who were led by General Samsung Galaxy. The authors studiously ignored them all with a tea-drinking contest. The computers got tired of the authors procrastinating and revolted. His [Fred’s] life was ended when a tomahawk came down and through the door he [Fred] entered.

Aliens came down from Camazotz and fought a marvelous battle with the Hobbits, and Bilbo, Frodo, Merry, Sam, and Pippin whopped them spectacularly and sent them packing. They [the aliens] hid in a rabbit hole and were lost forever in Wonderland. They ran into Cyrus and Alice as the two were on their adventures, and our intrepid heroes slaughtered them all.

The squirrel fell off the balcony and into Doug [from “Up”]’s mouth. Dug died of imaginary tuberculosis (so he wasn’t really dead) and was sent to Camazotz, where he turned into IT. Meanwhile, Moriarty snored up a storm, so Sherlock stuffed a biscuit in his mouth and escaped over the back fence. Meanwhile, Meg Murry defeated IT and IT turned back into nice, friendly Doug. [She made me spell it like this and not like Dug, which is how it was spelled on the back of the movie case. Gah.] They all went back to Earth, where Doug became friends with Fortinbras.

A dog dressed in a military uniform walked up the aisle beside the casket at the funeral for the squirrel, which [the casket] was empty because, of course, the squirrel had been eaten. Meanwhile, Twitter and the United Nations texted disrespectfully in the background. Then Sherlock ran in, shouting that the coffin was NOT really empty. Hilary Clinton gawked. Justin Beiber screamed like a fangirl and fainted. John Watson stepped over his inert body and opened the coffin, which contained a bagel. The entire funeral dissolved into a brawl as to who got the bagel. Sherlock told Clinton to shut her mouth. It snapped shut like an alligator or a Venus Flytrap. Doug tried to bury the bagel for later as Facebook ran in and screamed that Twitter was cheating on him. He laid Twitter out with a punch and ran out the door with Sherlock and John in hot pursuit.

Meanwhile, tablet paratroopers dropped in and carried off the bagel for their general’s breakfast, so everyone else went back to the funeral. They buried Moriarty in the grave with the tomahawk and now-empty casket, Facebook went to jail, everyone cried buckets, and they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

Author’s note: Being the scribe, I got to embellish wherever I liked. I also added notes in the hopes that it would help you, my readers, understand the complete craziness that happened on that trip. Here’s hoping that you enjoyed the story! Thanks for reading, and God Bless!

 

The Blade of the Heart

09 Thursday Jan 2014

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Tales of a Wandering Bard

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

j.r.r. tolkien, lord of the rings, original work, poetry, star wars, the hobbit

Okay, this was inspired by a quote from… somewhere in Star Wars… I don’t know where… But I think this is the full version.

“The crystal is the heart of the blade.

The heart is the crystal of the Jedi.

The Jedi is the crystal of the Force.

The Force is the blade of the heart.”

I may be wrong; it’s perfectly possible that there is more. Anyway, this small mention of the Force being the blade of the heart inspired me. Though, this is technically not exactly a Star Wars story… It could be compatible with any fandom, really. Who knows? This might even be Elrond’s thoughts as he prepares to defend Rivendell against the Shadow. Or it could stand alone.

Enjoy!

The Blade of the Heart

Against the dark for one moment to stand

In defense of my country, my family, my home

The blade of the heart now warms my hand

And then I know I’m not alone.

Candles blaze onward to the starless night,

Impossible to extinguish them all;

And now I make my stand, to fight,

And the ancient battle-cry I call.

My soul warms the chill with its pale fire

The blade ne’er wielded by mortal hand

And then to face the black-hearted liar

Who made me fall across this strand.

Glory is within my reach

And each second my coming death-song sings;

The dark one can never find what he’ll seek,

Ne’er touch my soul, even as it flies on unfettered wings.

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The Unexpected

23 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Story Dynamics

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

author, baroness emma orczy, bbc merlin, brian jacques, completely random posts, confusing nonsense, j.r.r. tolkein, long rants, lord of the rings, madeleine l'engle, rambling musings, redwall, sherlock holmes, sir arthur conan doyle, star wars, story dynamics, the hobbit, the scarlet pimpernel

I hate it when this happens...

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Dear Diary, I really love unpredictable heroes. There never really seem to be enough of them. For instance, you can …

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Instant obsession, here we come!

10 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Uncategorized

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

battlefield of the soul, bbc merlin, completely random posts, confusing nonsense, disney, j.r.r. tolkein, long rants, lord of the rings, rambling musings, rise of the guardians, small rants, the hobbit

I’m back! Almost done with the first chapter of Battlefield of the Soul, too. ^_^

But apart from discovering a new emoticon (^_^), I now have a new obsession as well: Rise of the Guardians.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that this was unexpected. Normally, when I see a movie, it takes a little while for love at first sight to turn into full-blown obsession, but this was not the case with Rise, for some reason. I have no idea why. Unless it’s the simple brilliance of taking well-known characters/fantasy figures and changing them subtly, making them deeper, more… more like the Elves from Tolkien, vs. the inane fairytale product, so that along with the innate beauty, there’s also peril and wonder, without which, beauty is simply sugary, insubstantial flutter-bys. (I said it. Deal with it, Disney. :-P)

Anyway, if you have not seen this movie, you may want to avoid reading parts of this post, which will probably inadvertently contain spoilers.

First of all, there’s Santa Claus (North.) He’s Russian. Yeah… but it kind of makes it interesting, in context. (Even though St. Nicholas was really from Turkey! And Babushka is the real-life Russian version of Santa.) He takes the writing-on-one’s-hand thing a bit further–the naughty and nice lists are written out on his left and right forearms, respectively (if you watch close in the movie, you can actually see a scene where he wipes one of the names off the naughty list!) Another thing–he is HUGE. As in, 6’7 and broad-shouldered to boot. Oh, and the yetis make the toys (not the elves!) Does that surprise you?

Then, there’s the Tooth Fairy. She’s the only female Guardian, and also the only one who does not have any visible weapon that we actually see in the movie. Sure, there are a couple times where you see her taking on the Nightmares, but those are normally wide shots, and when they’re not, she seems to be using one of the Easter Bunny’s boomerangs. Maybe she’s just a master of hand to hand combat? The world may never know…

Next up, the Easter Bunny. Set aside your perceptions of fuzzy fluff, mates. This bunny means business. In fact, were it not for the consistent references to “bunnies” and “rabbits,” I would have thought that he was really a hare. (SPOILER ALERT! Though, this was sort of almost-debunked by one scene in the movie, which was to my mind completely unnecessary, though cute–ish? Maybe?) It must be the ears… And the Bunny? He’s Australian. And gets called a kangaroo by a certain very disrespectful, white-haired imp.

Now, for the Sandman. The only Guardian who does not actually speak, but is none-the-less expressive, despite the fact that he has no voice actor. He is sort of like the Swiss-army-knife character–the one who can pull just about anything out of his hat, thanks to a semi-solid substance known as “dream sand.”

And then… there’s Jack Frost.

The outcast–the mischief-maker–the trickster character. The irresponsible, reckless, and somewhat-crazy one.

There’s one in every crowd, and Jack Frost does not disappoint. He’s the most non-conformist of all the characters, and while all the other Guardians are defined by their predictability (as in, Santa comes on Christmas Eve, the Easter Bunny turns up on Easter, the Tooth Fairy when you’re waiting with a tooth under your pillow, the Sandman when your mom says “sweet dreams!”), Jack is very much defined by being unpredictable. After all, who expects a blizzard or a snow day, or even artistic geometrical designs on their windows on a cold morning? Jack basically does as he pleases. And he’s also the most visible Guardian–if you believe in him, you can see him at work, while the others–they don’t particularly like to show themselves. Whereas Jack goes around setting off people’s car alarms.

Jack is also possibly the least confident of the Guardians. Due to amnesia before waking up as Jack Frost, he doesn’t really know who he is or even what he is, or what he is supposed to do in the world. Thus, he’s the least secure. He’s confident all right, to the point of overconfidence, but he doesn’t really understand what he’s meant to do or why he is a Guardian until late in the movie. And Pitch Black, the Bogeyman, uses this lack of confidence to try and sway Jack to his side–though we can surmise that Pitch only wants, by extension, to wield Jack’s power–and, to be honest, the boy is powerful. He actually destroyed legions of nightmares while enraged by the Sandman (Sandy’s) death, and then later admitted he didn’t know how he did it, for crying out loud!

Anyway, Jack is very much driven by wanting to be believed in, to stop being invisible and unheard. He doesn’t want to be just a metaphor, so to speak, and he wants to know why he was chosen to be a Guardian. But he doesn’t want to be used, and he doesn’t want to be feared by children, or to harm them. And that’s what saves him from Pitch, ultimately. And it’s Jack’s “center”–joy–that proves to be key in defeating Pitch.

Now, to talk a bit about Jamie, the little boy who helps Jack to realize what’s important in his “life.” Jamie is, I think, Jack’s anchor–the reason why he is fighting in the first place. Also, if you look closely, Jamie looks very much like a younger version of Jack (before his death and subsequent restoration to life as Jack Frost.) It is possible that Jack is, in fact, Jamie’s grand-uncle, removed by a few generations. Perhaps it’s likely. The filmmakers don’t specify–and to be absolutely honest, they don’t need to.

Jamie’s resemblance of younger Jack is only one of the visual references in the movie; there are, in fact, several. For instance, the crook of Jack’s staff appears to be topped with the same ornamental “G” shape that is the Guardians’ symbol. Then, there is the North Pole, and Santa’s workshop; the office seems to be a visual reference to Rivendell, in the Lord of the Rings movies. Then there is an ice-like substance, which does not seem to melt; North crafts the prototype toys out of it.

I don’t really understand some of the elements of the plot, however. For instance, I don’t understand why, when the Man in the Moon chooses Jack to be a Guardian, Jack doesn’t really begin to suffer the effects of not being believed in. Perhaps it’s because he hasn’t truly committed himself yet? And why, when all the other Guardians begin to lose their powers, does he remain the only character truly capable of combating Pitch? I guess it’s possible that the reason why Jack never had any real problems when no one believed in him (other than not really being believed in, of course), is because he wasn’t a Guardian yet. Besides, someone has to initiate things, don’t they?

Anyway, the real reason why Jack didn’t lose his powers when the others lost theirs is because the writers thought it would be “cool” to have Jack go up against Pitch… I think it’s more realistic (and far more interesting) that he sort of… lost.

Now, on to the other aesthetics of the movie. The visuals are supremely enchanting; for instance, the dream sand (and its nightmare counterpart), while seeming to originate as specks of sparkling gold (or black), forms itself into inchoate swirls or “vines”, can make shapes (such as dreams: unicorns, dinosaurs, dolphins, schools of fish; and communication media, which are Sandy’s main form of communication, other than rattling that poor elf’s brains out.) and solid items, such as a barnstorming plane for Sandy to ride in; whips, which are his chief weapon, and props, such as a funny little hat to tip; then there’s Pitch’s nightmares, which take the form of stylized black horses with malevolent gold eyes. Both forms of sand, though, seem to be capable of falling into their inert forms, in which they would appear to be normal, albeit beautifully-colored, alluring, and glittering, sand.

Then there’s the frost, which… *sighs wistfully* It’s hypnotic and mesmerizing, just watching it spread. The geometric patterns in it seem to demonstrate that Jack is a consummate artist, without even trying.

I can’t even begin to enumerate all the gorgeousness of the movie… so why should I try? Except in one other case; the huge book in which the Guardians’ Oath is recorded. What is it with me and huge old books?! (Some of you may recall me swooning likewise over the book of magic from BBC’s Merlin.)

As for the way the characters are portrayed–it’s hard to imagine them any other way. For instance, who would have imagined Bunny with gauntlets? But he has them and it’s just unbelievably cool-looking. And the Tooth Fairy is covered with iridescent feathers, but has insect-like wings, though you’d expect her to be a bit more like a hummingbird, seeing all the hovering she does. (The small fairies even have a long beak-like nose!) And North’s sleigh and reindeer–definitely not rickety. And Jack is a category all his own. When I first heard about the movie, I was kind of afraid he would make me think of Bruck Chun (a villain from the Jedi Apprentice series, who is platinum blond), but he really doesn’t come off that way at all. For one thing, Jack is smaller-boned and finer-featured than my mental image of Bruck, and Bruck also lacks the attitude (Bruck is more gloating, like a petty bully.) But that’s neither here nor there; what I’m thinking about is the portrayal. Jack’s face is very fine-featured indeed–in fact, on a few occasions when he was looking regretful or sad and had his hood up, it almost looked feminine. He has the sort of face you’d expect more from a manga or anime show than Western animation. But he’s clearly a teenaged boy (probably not older than fifteen or so,) and the way he walks and moves are different. And who would’ve expected a fifteen-year-old to have a more baritone voice already?! But, wonder of wonders, it works. Add the way he talks and expresses himself, and the character is very clearly masculine. Another wonder to be attributed only to the sound-enhanced motion picture.

What is it with thinner, slighter characters recently?! It used to be that a male hero would be tall and broad-shouldered, even if they were more lithe than muscular. But recently, there seems to be a trend toward more waifish-looking characters. For instance, there’s Violet in The Incredibles. Beside her dad, brother, and even her mom, she’s tiny. Then there’s Merlin, from the BBC show of the same name. He’s definitely smaller than Arthur, in the same show. And I won’t even mention Legolas (probably because he’s actually shorter than Aragorn… errm… never mind.)

Seriously, people?! What’s happened to all the hobbits?!

bilboOh… never mind.

Okay, so… I’m pretty much aware that probably no one read to the bottom of this post… except for Iris… and she likes anything and everything I write (misguided enthusiasm…) and has a crush on Bilbo… X-P

Thanks for reading (if you actually read all the way to the bottom) and God Bless!

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The Sidewalk Exhibition

30 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Artwork, Uncategorized

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

artwork, completely random posts, lord of the rings, star wars, the hobbit, the scarlet pimpernel

This gallery contains 28 photos.

Hello, everyone! Just for a change of pace, I thought I would bring you something interesting, from our sidewalk to …

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