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~ A random repository of how-to-write and geekery, with an occasional snippet of accidental wisdom.

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Tag Archives: thor

Silence Will Fall: A Parody

13 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Living Life with Passion, Tales of a Wandering Bard

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

completed stories, doctor who, fun stuff, humor, marvel, parody, short stories, the avengers, thor

Because no Internet life is complete without a parody of Mary Sue or badfic!

Enjoy! ;-D

Silence Will Fall

Xoehemina Wraithlight Spickl the Third rolled over and grinned at her true love. “Wakey wakey, Lokes!” she said in a sing-song nasal voice pitched at exactly the same key as nails on a chalk board. It was like birdsong and music all rolled into one—that is, if said bird was a crow with a five-year cold and a pack-a-day smoker and the music was played by a beginner violinist with a squint from London to New York.

Loki sat up gracefully on his elbow and smirked at his bride. “Good morning, my love,” he said. “Don’t bother to rise just yet… here, let me go and bring you breakfast in bed…”

Suddenly, an odd, wheezing hydraulic sound could be heard outside the window. Xoehemina perked up at the sound. She was a beautiful vision in off-white as she ran out onto the veranda like a flat-footed ostrich or an elephant with eczema.

“My soulmate cometh!” she proclaimed, waving her arms in a dramatic gesture like a chicken with hiccups and fell flat on her cute little backside. Loki helped her to her feet.

“You can’t mean this,” he said, his eyes filling with tears. Xoehemina turned.

“Lol, wut?”

“You can’t seriously be breaking up with me!” Loki’s voice rose to a crescendo and tears rolled down over his nose. Xoehemina turned around to pat his cheek as the TARDIS materialized before them.

“Oh, pish tush. It’s a time machine. I could be back yesterday!” she said cheerfully, snapping her fingers. The TARDIS made an angry, protesting sound as its doors flew open with a violent crash, but the sentient ship was unable to voice her annoyance to the fans and as such was frequently abused, like so. Xoehemina ignored the TARDIS’ protests as she waltzed gaily inside. She popped open her old pocket watch. “I left my hearts in Gallifrey.”

The doors flew shut behind her, the TARDIS making another angry sound. Xoehemina turned around and almost bumped into a tall, thin man who was looking at her, one eyebrow raised in a potentially frightening manner. Xoehemina fell flat on her backside again, spreading her arms wide. “Theta sugar! It’s me, your childhood crush Ashkanakxygr!”

The Doctor frowned at her. “Get off my TARDIS.”

“But, baby…” Ashkanakxygr pleaded, opening her violet eyes wide like muddy lagoons of stagnant seaweed. The Doctor pursed his lips.

“I have never met you in my life before. Leave my poor TARDIS alone and get out.”

“You have to remember me!” Ashkanakxygr shrieked. The Doctor flinched at the piercing sound. Ashkanakxygr was beyond paying attention. “We went to school together. We kissed for the first time when the moons were shining over the red mountains. My heart was broken forever when you ran away. Don’t you remember that?”

“None of it,” the Doctor said with finality. “You’re not a Time Lord. I would know you. I do not. For the last time, get off my TARDIS.”

“Pyrdon baby bear…” Ashkanakxygr began. She didn’t finish. The Doctor had pushed her out onto the surface of a barren planet, there to wail her heart out for all eternity. (Did I mention she was immortal?)

Back in his cell on Asgard, Loki snickered. Thor shuddered as he walked past his brother’s cell.

“Seriously, brother. Get a life.”

“But manipulating these half-witted mortals is so amusing,” Loki drawled. Suddenly, he reached down to his belt pouch. “Sorry, message waiting on my magic tablet.”

On the blank surface appeared a short message.

Loki. If you send another of your crowd after me ever again, I am letting Ace loose on you.

Loki cackled and turned back to his mischief. Thor went upstairs, wrote a quick note of apology, and gave it to Huginn to deliver. The raven would see that it reached the Doctor’s hand—eventually.

“What was that thing?” Donna asked distastefully as the Doctor washed and sanitized his hands for the fourth time.

“Maria Susare, commonly known as a Mary Sue, for some reason. They’re ancient creatures, pre-dating Time itself. They normally inhabit the Void and unknown parts of deep, empty space, where they prey on the unwary, but once in a while one will get lost and become every hero’s worst nightmare.” The Doctor shuddered violently, but caught himself. “They sometimes cause innocent, everyday people like us to behave contrary to our nature, and they often butt in where they’re not wanted. They’re parasites, and in their true form they are monstrous creatures with horns and teeth the length of my finger, claws and hideous bat wings which they use to disguise their horrible pink-and-black mottled skin. They’re horrible creatures that are only half-intelligent, fixated on certain ideas and unable to form new ones. They can not be reasoned with. A few brave hunters sometimes seek them out to slay them, but they must have found new sources of food, or they would have vanished from the face of the universe by now…” The Doctor grimaced in distaste. “This one was… rather… amorous.” Donna almost laughed at the Doctor’s discomfort, but quickly returned to seriousness.

“Well, what should we do about it, space boy?”

“We find their latest food source…” the Doctor’s voice deepened to an ominous drawl.

“And hope they aren’t already addicted.”

Archivist of Selay’uu’s Journal: Summer, Day 49

04 Tuesday Aug 2015

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Tales from Selay'uu, Tales of a Wandering Bard

≈ 406 Comments

Tags

arthurian legends, bbc merlin, completely random posts, doctor who, doomyness, humor, long rants, long rants that do not technically belong to me, marvel, randomness, selay'uu, steven moffat, the avengers, the Thing, thor

“Try the… thing!”

“I have tried it, Master Doctor!”

“Then try the other thing! I don’t know how it works! Just… poke it, I guess.”

“Why do you not use the mallet you do when your ship slips off course?”

“Why don’t you?”

“I fear I might accidentally demolish it if I did.”

“…touche.”

I opened the door to my room, only to find that it led not into the hallway, but into somewhere else. The Doctor was running circles around an object that could only be described as a Thing, while Thor was gingerly prodding it. It was shaking dramatically from side to side, glinting like a disco ball and buzzing ineffectually, like an annoyed insect.

“What’s going on?” I demanded. Thor looked up apologetically, while the Doctor opened his mouth irately and went off into a long rant or complaint (it didn’t sound much like an explanation) about rogue Time Lords, King Arthur’s second-best hat, a green-eyed basilisk, a carrot and a pigeon.*

“If you can’t get it to work,” I said practically, “and you don’t know what it is or what it does, why not just destroy it?”

On second thought, maybe not so practical–but I had had work (not the fun kind, the kind that brings in money and is miserable) and was in a vicious mood.

The Doctor opened his mouth and shut it again. “That just might work,” he said dubiously.

I looked around. “Also, why is my bedroom in the TARDIS?”

“I think the TARDIS likes you,” said Thor, bringing Mjolnir down on the Thing with a resounding clang. The Doctor muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “traitor”.

It also sounded like the TARDIS was laughing in the background.

We never did find out what the Thing was for.

It was probably a dummy and did not do anything. It is also likely that the Thing was constructed by the Master (who we put in a looney bin) as a chew toy. Or a cuddle beastie.

Who knows?

(It was a very confusing day.)


*Please don’t ask me to tell you how those particular objects are related. One: I am not Steven Moffat. Two: I doubt even Steven Moffat can understand the Doctor when he starts babbling like that. Three: I also doubt that even Steven Moffat can explain the “three things and a lizard” comment, so you should definitely NOT ask me.

Author’s Note: Who wants Thor to be a companion on Doctor Who? *raises hand* (Weeeell, any of the Avengers, really. Except maybe Tony, because he’d try to take the TARDIS apart, and that would make the Doctor really mad. Maybe. I don’t actually know.)

For Brothers

01 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by erinkenobi2893 in Living Life with Passion, Tales of a Wandering Bard

≈ 32 Comments

Tags

brian jacques, c.s. forester, captain america: the first avenger, horatio hornblower, john flanagan, marvel, poetry, ranger's apprentice, redwall, star wars, the avengers, thor

For Brothers

For all brothers everywhere

On the front lines and back home

There is not one heartstring tied

That will ever come undone.

For every laugh you share

For every smile you try to hide

Every time you stood up straight

And told the other guy “step aside.”

For all brothers separate

By death or cruel fate

For every tear you drop alone,

For every hour you wait.

You feel each other’s every pain,

You know each other’s heart.

For every one who lieth slain,

For the lives that didn’t start.

For all brothers bound by curse

To nightmare deep and dark

For every tear you shed awake,

And to the silence hark.

The elder can not sway his hand,

The younger named a traitor’s stand,

Pray destiny the wheel may turn

And take you back to your homeland.

To all brothers far from home

Alone, on watch, tonight

I hang a prayer on every star

To pierce the sky with light.

Until the Watch-Star leads us home

From all the trials of war

We shall tell the tales and carve them in stone

Of all you who’ve gone before.


This poem is dedicated to all brothers everywhere, whether by blood or in spirit, and especially our boys in the military. I pray every night that God will keep them safe.

Obi-Wan and Anakin

Steve and Bucky

Martin and Gonff

Thor and Loki

Will and Gilan

Horatio and Archie

Brothers not by blood, but by heart.

Remember them.

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