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I just realized that I’m in deep, probably in over my head, in hotter water than I guessed before, probably because they turned the temperature up while I was in it.

I’ve been a shipper ever since I picked up one of my mom’s romance novels. Marcus/Shari. Dave/Kate. I could go on (thank you, Dee Henderson!)

Then I went through a stage where I didn’t like romance at all. I think I was just bored with sexual tension, whatever they call it these days… anyway, I thought everyone was just being stupid. I didn’t have time for that sort of thing. I was inΒ high school.

And now… I’m shipping again. I think it started slow, with Obi-Wan/Siri–Siriwan, as it’s often called. I thought I was a Obitine (Obi-Wan/Satine) shipper, but then I realized, nope, Siriwan to the core. They’re a better contrast and they fit together better. (Though I think the whole arc with Satine back in Season Two was excellently done and very much in character for Obi-Wan, which is sadly a thing–there’s a whole subgenre of Out-Of-Character Syndrome dedicated to Obi-Wan shippings.) And then came Steve and Peggy (how could I not love these two?! His crush on her was just so precious.), and Pepperony (I probably love that ship name way too much…) I also ship Halt/Pauline and Horace/Evanlyn. Though for some reason, I don’t ship Will/Alyss much, but that’s probably because I haven’t finished reading the series yet. (I think the Will/Alyss angle was a bit rushed in the first book, to be honest.)

I also (maybe?) ship Horatio/duty or Horatio/his ship.

(That was a very sad attempt at a joke. I’m sorry. I will refrain from joking again throughout the rest of this post.)

And now, for the first time, I’m trying to write a ship of my own.

What am I getting myself into?!

I know I can’t write romance. I am no good at writing romance. I could not write romance to save my life. Apart from the casual background Pepperony, I always end up writing Siriwan more platonic. (Which works well, because as well as being the adorable lovebirds we know they are, they’re also BFFs 4 life!)

It’ll be fun, I said. Back it up with suspense and action and you’ll be fine, I said. What are you so worried about?! I said.

I. Am. Toast.

I’m so scared I’m going to mess it up. I love these two, I really do, but… I don’t know if I can write them in a relationship. I’ve tried writing background romance before and it never felt right. I can write about two people who are already in love, who love each other very much–that’s easy. But two people falling in love?

That’s outside my experience. And I frankly don’t know where to start. (No, stop thinking about setting me up on dates. And, for that matter, please do not diagnose me, even in the privacy of your minds, as asexual–I think that I’m just waiting for the right partner. In fact, please don’t diagnose me at all. I don’t like being diagnosed. Even if having a legit ADHD diagnosis would make college easier–much easier… Or anything, really. I don’t need it, honestly. I can handle this. Let’s save it for people who actually need it, please.)

I know how my parents show that they love each other. That’s easy. But I’m not sure how to show people falling in love.

I guess that, looking back, it’s all up to Louisa May Alcott: writing romantic love is nearly impossible if you’ve been single all your life, and either totally understated or overstated, depending on who is doing the reading.

I noticed a few things about my romance reading habits, too:

  1. It had to be by one of a specific few authors (mostly Dee Henderson and Irene Hannon.)
  2. I couldn’t sit through a novel that was all romance, either. It had to have suspense or action/adventure in it, too.
  3. Never could stand so-called “sexual tension”, for some reason. If there was physical attraction, it couldn’t be just lust. And I much preferred the people who fell in love with others because of their personalities.

I suppose I just need help. Even if I knew the answer to this riddle, I’d need help.

So this is a shoutout: Can I get a couple of beta readers to help me write the scenes with Alex/Connor in them? Because if you’d read those scenes for me and help me out, I’d be in your debt forever.

Thanks for reading, and God Bless.

P.S. Umm, I probably don’t have to say this, but… CHRISTIAN FICTION FOREVER!!! (Sorry, just felt like shouting it from the rooftops… and yes, this is Christian near-future sci-fi/action/psychological thriller/suspense. It’s not preachy, though. Christian in atmosphere, no reading between the lines required πŸ™‚ )